Sunday, January 24, 2010

Words...they are NOT just words.

“America is not a good place to study, nope.”

“Ooh, why the many onions? You’re not cooking, are you?”

“C’mon, all you’ve learned are just the little things.”

“Do you know that I have a friend who took Political Science and guess where she’s working now…Astro!”

Go on and guess who said all those things to me.

...Those who are related to me by blood. (Not my immediate family, though.) They sure know how to be funny when not asked for, don’t they?

Sure, I don’t go to Harvard, but where did you go to? Yeah I can’t cook for our whole family, but my seniors (yup, not just my husband) really like my spaghetti. I may have only learned a little, but they sure as hell are more than what you know. So what if your friend works at Astro, as least she’s working.

I’m sick of this. To those who saw my status on Facebook, you now know what ‘this’ refers to.

I’m your family, dammit. (I’m sorry for the language…no, I’m not. I’m sick of feeling I’m never going to be good enough.) I’m sick of justifying everything that I do. I’m sick of having to prove what I’m made of. I’m sick. For as long as I’ve lived, I realize I’ve said those words more than once. Why? Why? Is it so hard to support me and my choices? Is it so hard to believe me? Is it so hard to just say, “Wow, that’s amazing! Hope you can teach me a thing or two when you get back.” Is that so hard? Don’t start lecturing me now on how I seldom show respect. My silence is my show of respect. My silence is show that your words do matter to me. I take them, think about them, and most importantly, act on them. What about you?

Kak Yong wrote something on her blog that I totally agree with – don’t misjudge those who appear to be strong. I do believe that the strongest on the outside are the most self-conscious on the inside. It’s no wonder that I have a lot to rant on here, eh?

Every time we get back home from school, the first thing I’ll do is find my Lailee and hug her – everyday. Don’t take my words if you don’t want to, ask Diana. Even though she’s annoying sometimes (Lailee, not Diana) –running around when we’re sleeping, getting on us when we’re studying – she’s my baby. After a full day away from her there’s nothing I want more than to tell her over and over that she’s my baby and I love her – and Lailee’s just a cat.


p/s: Maybe Zaim's right, I should reconsider going back until I'm confident I've become a better me, although that obviously won't be enough. (Take note of that Zaim.)


Zaim Salimun said...

oh syaza, i've a semi-hot news, oh how do we call semi-hot anyway, warm? haha. okok, warm news. haha. we should spend some time talking later.

oh this is a good post. i was surprised by the ending. it gives me the feeling of falling to the bottom of a lake. weird i know. haha.

Syar said...

you know what Syaz, with all that you've accomplished so far, kalau still ada org yang tak rasa proud, mmg they must be sick lah. you one kick-ass, smart, talented young girl. org lain punya pencapaian not even sampai half of what you haveeeee. be proud and as for the rest, don't give. your mom and dad je yang penting.

ChEsZa said...

hello yim. u sms-ed last night kan? sorry, kitorg tdo awal smlm, kelas pukul 8 the next day. u x online ke? jarang nmpk kat ym.

syar, thank u sooooo muchhhh. u'r right, let them be, eh?

diana said...

betul!!! syaza doesn't need to find lailee, the cat will be waiting by the door to greet her mommie first thing when she's back!

"Even though she’s annoying sometimes (Lailee, not Diana)" - hahhaha i laughed! thanks for the clarification :P


sulinnn said...

awwww I HAVE NEVER TASTED YOUR SPAGHETTI! May I? hahaha you're so right! Few people know about my major when I tell them and all they can think of is the unemployment - so give it ur best shot Syaza! I'm sure you can!!

p/s: Lailee is like your motherhood training eh? =p

ChEsZa said...

hahaha takut u report lak i kata u annoying diana :)

i know sulin! me too! i know it's important, but c'mon, give us a break. if only they realize that with their support, we can achieve more. and from there, why worry?