Sunday, August 30, 2009

Things I Want My Daughters to Know

I just finished reading a book I bought in Kinokuniya, before I went, to accompany me during journey. The book is titled ‘Things I Want My Daughters to Know’. I showed it to my mum the day I bought it. Why the book caught my attention is because of the life junction I’m at. I mean, I don’t mean to sound like I’m at a dead end or something. But I guess there are things that I could learn a thing a two from the book. Basically the book is about a mother who died of cancer and left her four daughters letters and her journal to help them carry on with life.

But the thing that I can’t forget most from the book is when her eldest daughter, Lisa, came up to her and confided that her new love is a divorcee. Her mother said that that’s great. She told her daughter never to underestimate the ability of a person who can love and love again. She also said that the virgin – emotionally – has less to offer. When I read that I put the book down for a second to think… We’ve always heard the expression “It is better to have love and lost than never to have love at all.” I think it’s no secret that I agree to that 100%.

I know the conservatives at home are shaking their heads in disapproval. I know the adults are mumbling how those ‘loves’ are actually infatuations. But how are they to know? Can they feel what everyone feels? They’re saying that because they can’t bear the idea of their kids growing up. And when the child loses his love, they cheer silently. The thing that I want your attention for is that when the child goes through a heartbreak yet is able to live on and continue to love and trust another being is simply…amazing.

The other thing that I can't let go of the book was the mother’s letter to the husband she left behind. She told him to not be afraid to fall in love again. She said that being able to love and love again after each of her babies was born proves that a human’s capacity to love is massive.

Why am I writing all these? Because I miss my family so much. Not in a bad ‘I’m homesick’ kind of way, but in a good ‘If I have one more day I just want to say I will never stop loving any one of them’ kind of way. It’s good. From reading the book I rediscover both my love, and theirs towards me. I realized what unconditional love really means. When I first got to know Rassyid I asked him what does he look for in a partner and his answer was simple: someone who can love him unconditionally. Days and nights I thought of his answer. What does it mean to love a person unconditionally? Can you really love the person if he has cheated on you? Can you love a person who is not ready to have a baby with you? Can you love a person who is not related to you as you do your family? Can you love a person who murders? The answer that I came up with was “NO”.

But then I read the book and I realize that when I answered “no” before, I was using my head, not my heart. My heart now says that if I want to, I can totally forgive the person whom I love unconditionally. As long as the person is happy, that’s all you would ask for. That’s unconditional love. If he doesn’t break the law – both of the human and of God – then there’s nothing that should hold your love for him.

How did I realize all these? I thought of my parents. I thought of growing up in their home. I thought of the advices that they’ve given me. I thought of the things I did. I thought of their facial expressions, of their words. How I didn’t believe them then but I do now. I know now that they know me so much better than anyone. And they allow me that room to grow into my own self, and I’m eternally grateful for that. I know of their disapprovals and disappointments, though I let my ego get in the way and not let it affect me before. I now know better to admit all that.

This is my current desktop background. Yes, I’ve replaced the picture of my university with a picture of them. My dreams mean nothing if not for them. Thank you for teaching me that in order to love, there’s nothing else to ask for except to being love back.


p/s: Three things that we get pahala for without niat: 1) Seeing Baitullah, 2) Reading letters of the Quran, 3) Looking at your parents’ faces with kindness. I’m so sad I no longer can do the third one for a year…


elly said...

<3 this!! very very much.

and i guess we'll make do with skype for now :')

sulin said...

this post is so touching. ^^ i miss my family as well. ><

ChEsZa said...

=') hope u guys doing good as i am