Friday, June 26, 2009

Post Umrah

I’M A CHANGED PERSON! :)



Yes, this is the second time I went for umrah, but y’all need to remember that the first time I went was a decade ago when I was ten. What does a ten year old know about humility in asking for forgiveness and the struggle of finding peace with one’s choice in life? But this time, I am more aware of my surrounding, of my life, of my past, and more importantly of my future. How I choose to lead my life from herein will be different now from before, insyAllah :)

At first I thought of bringing my laptop with me so that I can write my day to day story over there. But the last minute I decided against the idea as I want to focus in presenting myself to God and not of my worldly activities. I just want to be focused, nothing wrong in that. So as a result there’s not much to read here even though PLENTY happened while I was there such as an Indonesian auntie peed in front of me, meeting Naima from Pakistan, Lutfiah from Jakarta, and Sarah from Cairo.

Speaking of that, it was such a beautiful sight. Different skin tones, different languages, different status, but all were there for one reason and that is for ONE GOD. As I told my mum, Islam is based on who views it. Some may say that the ones that went to the Holy city are only about 20% of all Muslim population but others, like me, can say that if only that 20% pray for the rest 80%, and all Muslims would tawaf together around the one Baitullah, then that is EXACTLY what Americans are afraid of. They’re not afraid of those 0.2% terrorists that are so-called Muslims, but they are afraid that as history has proven, that when Muslims united in the name of one God, not ONE person can defeat us. Unfortunately, nearing the end of the world, many Muslims are only by name, not in faith, much less in practice. But I do believe in the words of the Quran (NOT Koran) that Islam will rise for one final time before the end arrives.

Yes I admit that before this I was ‘cautious’ of what I say because I liked to think myself as ‘diplomatic’, but when I was in Makkah I felt ashamed of myself... How can I choose to tapis my words in order not to offend others at the cost of my love? No, I’m not going to be that person again. There are many that I’ve seen, read, and experienced for me to say that ISLAM is the way of life. It’s not blind faith. If many before had died just because they won’t compromise their Iman and Islam, I figure the least that I could do is to stand for what I believe in and not be afraid for it is the truth.

I’m not saying that I won’t accept non-Muslims in this world and in my life! No! Even the Prophet (pbuh) can dine side by side with a Jew (although many would like to condemn all Jews as enemy of Islam, which I disagree), I am just a person, too small to be compared with Rasullullah (pbuh), and I have no problem mingling with others :) The only thing that has changed about me is that there is no more a gray area in my life. It is either the truth or it is not. Black or white.

If there are those who would want to take this opportunity to debate and discuss or challenge my stand, as much as I would love to prove my points, I am unfortunately, not an Islamic scholar. I am still learning, and wish to do so till my last breath. I have not enough the knowledge to be on the platform of righteousness. Humbly I admit that I am not the right person to ask questions.

God truly loves me. After all the wrongs that I did in my life, He called me to be his guest at his Holy city. Even though there are many that are more financially able, or even those who are more knowledgeable than I am, he did not invite them. The night my parents went to do their Hajj, I questioned, Astaghfirullahalazim, why there are some that did not even cover their aurat while in Malaysia but were invited by Him to be His guests. I now see that after they came back there are obvious changes in them especially in their dressing. Allahuakbar. God Almighty. He has His own plan (He certainly knows what we don’t know), and His plan for me certainly works. SubhanAllah, there are actually no words to describe His presence the way I felt it when I was in the Holy mosque. I hope to be there again, offering nothing more but my prayers, as soon as I got back from the States so that I will always remember that in this world I am only one among many but to Him, I am me, Syaza Farhana Binti Mohamad Shukri, a servant, and it feels real good.

-C-

ps: Kepada smelly, plz go here to see how different Mekah is now than the time we went dolu2.

7 comments:

a.t.i.k.a said...

untungnya dah dpt pergi umrah... huhu

ChEsZa said...

Alhamdulillah :)

syazana said...

yeah.so TRUE..HE knows all.we know not..trust HIM and we'll be perfectly safe..=)

meimei,bila maw nikah?

elly said...

first thing i nampak yg 'pop' at ur flickr:

barang kemas emas. hohoho. shiny!

but seriously, sigh. sangat cantik mekah dan madinah.

oh, tapi byk betul pigeons ye!

ChEsZa said...

erk, soalan tu mahal sgt la jiejie, xleh nk jwb di sini.... :(
n smells, betul la tu pigeons eh? hehe my mum n i dok fikir ape nama menatang2 tu....

elly said...

O.O syaza takkan taktau merpati tu camne?! excited sgt nak kahwin kottt :)

Adilah said...

i miss mekah.
huuu :(