Saturday, October 25, 2008

The Last Lecture

I recently read a book. It's called The Last Lecture. Some of you may recognize the title. It is from a guy whose video is one among many that was mostly viewed on Youtube in 2007. The first time that I read about him was in TIME magazine but I just could not remember the name whenever I was browsing through Youtube so the other day when I saw the book in MPH, I just grabbed for it. It is really a worthy book to buy. I learned a lot from the mere 200 pages. So I'm just going to list 'em down here and if you want more, feel free to go to the website :)

1. ...when there's an elephant in the room, introduce it. (pg.16)

2.We didn't buy much. But we thought about everything. (pg.22)

3. ...if you offer wisdom from a third party, it seems less arrogant and more acceptable. (pg.23)

4. ...if your kids want to paint their bedrooms, as a favor to me, let them do it. It'll be okay. (pg.30)

5. Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcome. (pg. 33)

6. When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you. (pg. 37)

7. ...a man who knew what he didn't know, was perfectly willing to admit it, and didn't want to leave until he understood. (pg.45)

8. The brick walls are there for a reason. (pg.51)

9. People are more important than things. (pg.70)

10. ...automobiles are there to get you from point A to point B. They are utilitarian devices, not expressions of social status. (pg.86)

11. ...hip is short term. Earnest is long-term. (pg.133)

12. "If you wait long enough," he said, "people will show you their good side. Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting. It will come out." (pg.145)

13. "...Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do." (pg.146)

14. Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. (pg.148)

15. Pack a light bulb. Be prepared. (pg.161)

16. When we're connected to others, we become better people. (pg.176)

17. Ask those questions. Just ask them. (pg.179)

18. "Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others." (pg.200)


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

We Live

Today, Diana and I survived and I don't know why but I have mixed feelings over the whole ordeal. Well, okay I'm exaggerating. It's not like we survived a car crash or a storm but nonetheless, wait till you hear this story.

Around 2pm, I drove both Diana and I to this supposed Bukit Kapur behind UIA. But we found out it wasn't really a nice spot to take photographs. So we moved on. I just drove around while Diana took her LA/Beverly Hills/US-open-road pictures. Then we reached this playground-slash-lake which is on the way to Sofiya's house. I've always wanted to check the place out so I parked my car and we walked around. After almost half an hour spent there Diana wanted to go on the swings and I followed. We were swinging underneath this canopy of trees as the clouds above turned gray. So I said to Diana let's go.

And then I just drove around still trying to find a spot to take kampung-y pictures but we failed to find that perfect spot. Therefore I made a U-turn. When we almost reach the end of the long road that meets the highway, people were flashing at me. The first thought that came to mind was there's a speed trap but at a place where cars go no more than 60km/h? And then we saw it. There was a tree on the road. A TREE. Not a branch, or a root, and definitely not a leaf but a TREE. It was the tree that Diana and I were sitting underneath just about 15 minutes before. There's no way around it so I made a U-turn and exited the route at a junction before KTT.

While I was driving I just can't get it out of my head. What if we were stubborn? What if we stayed a few minutes longer? What if while we were swinging the tree fell the other way around - on top of us. What if...? Why are we lucky? Why did we escape? Why God wants me to live another day? Hmm... Again, I know it's not that dramatic but a few minutes later and a different blog post might be written.

Maybe even not by me.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Strength, I Need

You know how I love to ramble on how I find it weird that some people get things easily and I don’t? (Some may say I’m crazy considering the two new toys I just got.) But I’m talking about life here, not material gains. I don’t care much over material things and that’s why I don’t really count the money I spent. I guess that’s why I’m quite ‘murah rezeki’…I think. But over life, there are just too many downs for me to count. And no, I can now differentiate between my delusional down period of my teenage years and the real problems I faced growing up. Why is it that I have to go through quite a number of obstacles to get very few things?

But being who I am, I have always believed in God more than anything else. As Muslims we have to believe that God does not put obstacles and challenges in front of us if not because we CAN overcome it. So I take it in a nutshell that that's His own unique way of saying ‘I Love You’. He knows we humans are actually strong so that’s why life is hard. If everything is easy, we will take life for granted, thus His love the same way too. I guess that’s why I get ‘stuffs’ from my parents quite easily because honestly, this may shock you, but those ‘stuffs’ do not mean much to me. I can live as happy without them. Take away my DSLR if that’s going to put a smile on your face.

What I’m trying to say is I know why God created me as I am. Why I love to do crazy things, stupid things. Why I love the outdoor, adventures, and discovery. Why I’m going to the States. Why I’m with someone who does not fit even half of my ‘dream guy’ list and yet I dream of him every night and day. It’s because God knows better of my capabilities than myself. I’m not saying that He does not love those who got it the easy way by being with someone who they have almost everything in common with but maybe their strength lies somewhere else. Me? I like a challenge. If God has faith in me, then I have faith that this is my destiny. InsyAllah.


Proud Moments

Since the first semester here I had a few 'proud moments' as I like to call it, academically. I'm not writing this to brag or anything but I just want to give a pat on my own back. So here they are.

1. For the first semester, my 'proud moment' would be during my Psychology class presentation on DREAMS. I did it with Zaim, Lei Kheng, and Yi Juin. I was a bit glad that my part was a small part thus I was able to focus on the presentation as a whole. Therefore I was able to answer my classmates' inquiries. But the proudest moment for me would be in Dr. Fulton's office when he said, "You surprised me to be the best Malay girl that presented." Of course I was happy but I was also like, eh, why just pit me against the Malays? But anyway.

2. Second semester I had two proud moments. One of course during our Politics trial when I was the polyandrous Patty Perkins. I was happy because even Borges wrote good things about that in my recommendation letter. The other one was of course when I got the best speaker thing. It's not exactly that but more of what the two foreign adjudicators said, "You were rational yet passionate." :)

3. Honestly for last semester there wasn't one because i don't want to overdo myself. I mean, whatever it is I still love being the underdog. So I went for a small part in the Anthropology trial and did not lead my history debate. I guess if I have to pick then it would be when I got best speaker again. Oh and when I saw the remarks Renuka put and the mark she awarded me. I love her :D

4. Finally, I'm writing all these because I was really proud of myself over my Outlandish presentation yesterday for my Music class. I've been going through it in my mind over and over and I'm very happy. Why? Because at the end of my presentation my lecturer asked me where she can get their albums. She seemed very interested and into their music. If I can pull another person to listen to Outlandish - to GOOD, MEANINGFUL music - then that's all the motivation I need for next week's finals. :)


Friday, October 17, 2008

Grocery shopping

I went to Giant just now with Kak Nor. Unlike other days, I went this time in my track pants and a very very loose t-shirt. I guess I was reminiscing the second week in INTI when I drove to Alamanda in those, as what they told me. Anyway, as Kak Nor was busy grocery shopping, I just stayed by the trolley and texted my unreachable boyfriend at the time. Thus, that’s when I started to look around me.

I know a lot of people said that one of their favorite past times is people watching. Some create stories as to what will happen next to those people passing by. But being a history junky that I am, I love to wonder what’s happened to these people. What are their stories? How did they end up being at the same place as I am at the same time? And today my topic was…men. I mean middle-age men. I saw a man, with his maybe 5 year old very talkative daughter, eating ice cream as he teased her. And I also saw another man with his wife and perhaps 10 year old son looking through the row of vegetables (yuck!). What I’m trying to say is they are more or less my dad’s age. And they were in Giant on a Friday in the morning. Why were they there? What do they do for a living? How come they're with their families? Are they still on their Raya break?

Actually, I wasn't doing much 'guessing' as I was really touched. The thing that touched me was the sight in front of me and the whole idea of it. Middle age men with perfectly able bodied wives were doing their grocery together. Sweet, romantic, and seldom to see. Of course I saw some veterans too but they no longer work so it makes sense. But the rest... For me, regardless of their stories it’s plain beautiful that they did not leave their wives to do the hard, dirty job alone. I know the excuses of men who wait for their meals to be served day in and day out: “We work for you to have the money to do the grocery shopping.”

However, I love the way my Ustazah puts it. Nowadays women work too to share the burden of a higher living cost. The least that men can do is share half the work of keeping the house together.

Happy doing your grocery during the weekend people!


Monday, October 13, 2008

Broken Glass

Broken glass, broken glass

Why are you in such a mess?

Keep yourself together,

And no one will get hurt.

Broken glass bright and amber,

Please do not collect dirt

On the dirty floor you sit on

Do you know skin can get torn?

By your recklessness

And your selfishness

And your stupidity

You don’t realize it is it.

I sigh and I sigh and I look at you

Broken glass, please

Don’t injure others too.


Saturday, October 11, 2008

Shila's Open House

After my whole crying session last night, I decided as I woke up today to appreciate my friends before it's too late and I want to try my best to put on a smile and help them to put up theirs every time we see each other. So even though my eyes were badly bruised thanks to the bucket-full of tears, I still went to Shila's open house in Shah Alam. It's not that I don't want to go earlier, but I was not sure of the way. But because she's a dear friend of mine, I threw away my doubts and just hit the road. I picked Adilah up from UiTM first. It was the first time I went to her place in UiTM.

After that we went to pick Xema up from her house in front of Giant. I know the place as I've been there before for the same reason. Oh how I miss that short little girl. Well, she's not a girl anymore. She's now the hottest babe in MSU :) So at 3pm the three of us arrived at Shila's own crib. She's so proud and happy with the place so I'm more than excited to check in out. It was a rather small place but perfect for four university students sharing the rent. They even have Astro and a cat.

Shila said 2 till 4 was for their friends and classmate so when we arrived there weren't many people yet. Mostly people we know and have met. Que, Xema's best friend was already there together with Farass and some of their classmates. I thought Shila's going to cook but I was disappointed... Xema being herself, helped herself to my camera and started to take pictures of people and asking people to take pictures of her.

Oh and a few of Shila's other friends including an ex of a friend of mine gave them two tortoises! New pets that I hope Shila won't kill. Her brother gave her a pet rabbit once for her birthday and it died in a few months. I only visited 'him' once.

Around 4.30 almost everyone there said goodbye, including the three of us. I sent Xema back first and then Adilah as she had to wait for her parents who were coming to Shah Alam later. I had a good time. Not bad for the short period of time we were there. Nonetheless, I love them very much :)


P/s: Elly, you were freaking me out with your messages you know.

Friday, October 10, 2008

My Goodbye

We met in standard two, you said. You joined my class and that made us classmates. A year later, I don't remember how and I don't remember why, we became good friends. We laughed together and played together along with my neighbor, Zaida. The next year when all three of us were standard four, we were all appointed as prefects by the teacher. We were so excited and you were saying how confident you were that I am going to be the deputy head prefect two years from then when you were the one that was appointed to the post. I admit that initially I was a bit jealous. But I know you deserve it as you are more responsible than I'll ever be. And we continued being best friends and gossiped at the back of class while the teacher was teaching. Remember that time in standard four when we wrote on a piece of paper the name of the guy we had a crush on to exchange to find out that we liked the same person? Oh I still remember perfectly how we laughed that the whole class turned to look at us. You were not so good in math back then and I've always been good in that subject. I helped you as I know both of us wanted to do our best in our UPSR. The next year we were suddenly standard five students. We're both still prefects and you're still struggling with mathematics. It was then that I received my first ever 'present' from a boy who had a huge crush on me. I remember how excited you were when I told you about him and that excitement never subside even until today. You always supported me no matter what. Even when half of the class were against me the next year, you were still on my side of the classroom. When we were in standard six we both started to get serious in our studies. I remember those days you almost cry whenever you look at the red mark on the top right corner of your math paper. I wish I could help you more if not because of Cikgu Zalina putting me beside Nazatul who needed help in math too. But knowing the spirit in you, I need not worry as I know you will rise to the occasion. And you did by getting good result in your UPSR.

But the two of us were not accepted to any boarding school. It was okay to us as we had each other in SMK Seri Keramat. Even when half of our gang left to various other schools nearby, we were there for each other. We didn't know many of the other kids from another primary school but we tried our best. I remember how every recess time we would escape to the 'Laman Bestari' behind the school building and watched as cars passed by on the MRR2 flyover. We would talk of our future. How we wanted to go to UM at least. Then we could stick together forever and stay at the same place and grow as adults together. But of course our actual dream was different. I wanted to go to the States since I was thirteen and you wanted to go to Ireland. I wanted to take psychology and you wanted to do medicine. How funny it is that we both achieved only half of our dream. But back then I also had another dream: to be in the music industry one way or another. Instead of condemning my stupid dream you actually entertained me by helping me draw my 'plan'. You were a great friend, no doubt. We also would spend weekends at the National Library not really studying but just a way to spend time with each other. We were not interested in malls then. And the books that we read? Let's just say that witchcraft was not part of the school curriculum. The next year when we were in form three both of us with Iqa moved to another class as we decided not to take Arabic for our PMR. We sat next to each other up front in class as everybody else looked weirdly at us. I was in my most rebellious period in form three. I did a very very very stupid thing. You found out when you followed me to the restroom. You scolded me as I cried outside the classroom. In order to help me, you vowed to do the same thing if I continue the act. So I stopped. I love you so much. But I don't know why, we stopped being good friends nearing the end of the year. I guess it was because you were using a whole lot of your time studying while I fooled around. I took for granted the fact that I was able to catch whatever the teachers taught in class easily that I failed to support you as how you've done to me all the while. For that I am so sorry... We drifted apart and finally you sat behind me, instead of next to me, to avoid the awkward silence. But God has a bigger plan. Finally, He answered your prayers and you got 8 As for your PMR. I remember how happy you were. And not long after, you decided to leave me for boarding school, MRSM Muar to be exact. Oh, do you remember how I cried and cried the last day you were at Seri Keramat? I still do. I was apologizing to you over and over for everything that happened. You laughed through your tears calling me stupid as you've forgiven me. How beautiful your heart is.

I no longer have you by my side for my remaining two years in high school. And you're not the type of teenager that was into cells; so, we had no other way to contact each other except when you're back for holiday or if you called me from your boarding school, either crying or laughing. I think we only see each other twice a year, during the mid-year break and the long end-of-year holiday. Either your father would send you to my house or take me to yours. This continued until I got my own car and was able to drive to your house during our months-long break after the SPM examination. And then finally came the day the two of us had been waiting for the rest of our lives, the day our SPM results came out. I was to get it at my school which was ten minutes away from home but you had to go all the way to Muar to get the same news as me. Both of us excelled and our teenage dreams would be answered one by one. But it took quite some time and you became restless. I got UM but you got UiTM. There's no way we are going to be sharing a place now. Two months later however I was offered a scholarship by JPA to further my studies in the States and you were offered a scholarship by MARA to study medicine in an undecided location yet. You were sad as you did not get the chance to go to Ireland but nonetheless to be able to study medicine is already a dream come true. So you went to MSU in Shah Alam to continue in your foundation studies. I can't believe it that it was only a year ago that you confided in me how you didn't think you could fly because it was so hard and the pressure to compete with clever students who did not have to study into the late hours as you did. I said hang on and reminded you of your fighting spirit that was always present when it concerns your study. And God is gracious as one fine day I received a text from you saying you were accepted to a university in India.

I know I did not cry just now. I know I was making jokes as I watched you in KLIA just now, saying your last goodbye for a very long time to your family members. I know I gave you a meaningless picture in hopes you would remember me. But I just want you to know that I also cried when I was alone in the car as I recalled back all that you've done for me and all that I failed to do to you. We went through all the tests of a friendship: fights, months of silence, distances, and we prevailed. I was proud to see you walk towards the immigration counter and knowing in my heart you'll come back as one of Malaysia's future cardiologist to help many other people as how you've helped me. Wan Nur Fayyadhah Binti Wan Musa, I would be missing calling this frigging long name. At the same time I am proud to be the one able to spell it in my sleep. I love you.


Wednesday, October 8, 2008

My Worst Best Day

If TM said he had a long day, than I had a longer one.

I woke up late today as I forgot to set the alarm. And after I took my bath thinking I’m going to my music class, he called me to inform that the meeting with JPA representatives had been brought forward to 10am. So we went, all of us including the 2008 batch. But for two hours it was spent mostly to answer the juniors’ uncertainties that we have covered lat year.

After that, to show how good a student I am, we still went to music class and joined the B class till 2 pm.

After lunch I went to the blood donation counter. I did my deed but he did not as the nurse said he had low blood pressure. So I spent almost an hour there as I helplessly ‘pumped’ my arm. I was done around 3.30 and as I walked down the MPH stairs I saw my dad’s CRV in front of Aristotle.

I ran back to my room and had a mere 15 minutes to change into my baju kurung, wear a bit make up and put on Sofiya’s tudung lilit. I rushed back down to meet my parents and we entered the hall exactly at 4. The ceremony went on till a little after 5. And then my parents wanted to take him and I out to dinner. Therefore I told both TM and him that I can’t take them to Seremban. I thought for sure won’t be a big deal as TM did not even want to go in the first place.

After I’ve changed into my jeans and t-shirt, Ms Lee called me and called me irresponsible. Whatever. So I cried in the car. It’s just that she has no right to say, “Your parents can wait till 8.30 to have dinner with you.” Even remembering her saying those words make me want to cry now and feel like punching her. I am so not that kind of daughter. I would rather her fail me, fail my whole course, and prevent me from going to the States than make me say those words to my lovely parents who had come all the way.

The four of us went to dinner at a place quite far (as in I never go with my friends). My mum was fasting so we had quite a feast. I guess because I was so distressed calling TGV, TM, and TGV again, my dad decided to used that time to surprise me with…MY OWN DSLR CAMERA! A SONY ALPHA DSLR-A200!

Oh my God I was shaking as I opened the box! I can’t believe I own my own digital single-lens reflex camera now! :) I am so going everywhere with it! I’m going to take pictures of everything in front of me! I want to go to take pictures of animals in the zoo! I will surely study all the manuals and instructions of the camera more than my stupid music course. Thank you papa and ibu! I love you guys so much!

But that’s not the end of my day. At 8.15 TM, him, and I left INTI for Seremban. At the toll we argued (discussed) until 8.37 and finally decided to take the left turn. We arrived at Jusco at 8.50 and went straight into the cinema to watch Mama Mia. I felt sorry to TM for having to have popcorn for dinner. To make up to both of them for me being ‘irresponsible’, I ‘belanja’ them the tickets. The movie ends around 10.30 and I drove back to Nilai. Then Rassyid treated TM to dinner at McD. We arrived back at INTI around 12. The movie was nice, I got to admit. But most of all I’m just glad TM was the one who was stuck with us. Whatever it is, Ms Lee has no right to treat me as one of the class jokers as I’ve been a good student all this while and this is something out of my control. She should at least try to understand. I so can’t wait for this semester to end.

All in all, I quite enjoy my day today. I don’t even bother that much over Ms Lee’s accusations but I’m a bit sad BECAUSE OF HER I could not enjoy the whatever short time I have with my parents. Ape punye cikgu la.