Friday, September 26, 2008

Mariage - on zaim's request

First of, can't people take a joke anymore nowadays?

Okay, here's the deal. I'm going to talk about something that irks me so much and I hope you guys will have an open mind about it. If you don't, you better leave now because I'm not about to entertain another one. Maybe you might say it's my hormones talking and I don't have a clue regarding what I'm talking about. Or you can call me 'gatal'. I don't care. Why? Because for once I know I'm on the right track. If you wish to do so still, do it in your own free time cause I'm not here to listen to ya.

Have other Muslims, oops, I mean MALAYS heard that "Kahwin melengkapkan separuh agama" (Marriage is the other half to your faith)? Of course I'm writing this from the perspective of a Muslim becaue that's what I am. That is what I am first and foremost. Before I go any further I would like say something on the whole Malay-Muslim thing. I'm first a Muslim, second a Malay...or being Malay might even come in third or fourth after daughter and sister. My point is, I think it is ridiculous to follow the footsteps of the generations before me that have no basis except their own insecurities. As I always say, they are just another human whereas God knows better what's best for ALL.

My point is, why are people so afraid of marriage? Fine, I understand that marriage is not something you can play about. And that is the reason to get married in Islam you need to be ready mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. But that is not a good enough excuse why most adults won't let their children to marry young. Because frankly speaking, from my own observation of my peers, I don't find many parents who really know their kids inside out. "You're not ready," they say. "You're too young," they say. "You have to study first," they say. Oh God. Of course all those are correct in a sense but then if the parents are not there to support, who's going to?

I totally hate in when...let me give you a situation. A and B want to get married because they know that it is sinning to be thinking of another person longer than someone should of God Himself. They understand that being physically together is wrong but it's not under their control that for A, B is the only person who understands and supports everything about A and vice versa. And both of them are Muslims. One day they decide to ask permission from their respective parents and relatives because they are confident they are acting by the book. But they were wrong. What's the first question asked by these relatives? "What have you guys done?!" As if that's the only reason to get married: to get laid (sorry if it' starting to sound unlike me).

Maybe our elders might have some ground. Maybe they're talking from experience. But whose experience? The few that discovered many years later marriage is not so wonderful after all? I only have one thing to say to these people: God is fair. The only reason that might happen is if you did not take the chance to do it right the one time you have it. They say you are young once and you never know when you're going to die. So what happens if before you die you were deny the other half of your faith from those ignorant of Islam? Isn't it sad? Plus, consider that people can slip by a second, a third person might come into the picture, and the most important thing, what if the lack-off of this partnership is behind the ruins of a person's life and not his supposed 'gatal time belajar'.

Two of my Ustazahs married while they were doing their first degree. And both of them graduated successfully and one of them even has a husband that graduated overseas. They both have five children and living happily with the husbands they met years ago. Yet, many couples who got married after being in a relationship for almost a decade either end in divorce or a lifetime of 'silent war'. Take UIA for example, why do they provide housing and financial aid to those who decide to get married while studying? Because it is the right thing to do. Because marriage between two families that love one another is simply beautiful.

Islam does not teach us to 'couple' and I admit it. Islam teaches that if you find the right person do not waste your time and play around fire. The next step is to get the blessings of God. My only concern is this: if the family does not even support this beautiful act, who's going to?


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