Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Why I Don't Like Reading Blogs...sometimes.

I have a confession to make. (It seems like I have a lot of confessions.) I, Syaza Farhana, am the avoiding type of person. Yup yup yup. You may call me a coward or even an ignorant for being that but its the truth and nothing but the truth so basically I don't care.

For me, if I foresee something is going to happen before it actually happens - and I can usually tell based on prior experiences - then I would rather not start the something that could trigger the other thing that could then ruin normal things for me. Yeah, I do. I always get the, "Then you are avoiding the problem and not facing it!" Well, I admit that it's partially true but remember, I believe in learning from experiences therefore there's no use in going under the same ladder if you know definitely that the same brick is going to fall again.

For example, if I know for certain that I am going to get hurt if I go to certain blogs or website only to find that others are writing bad stuffs about me then believe it or not, I would choose not to go to that particular website or blog for a period of one week least, one year most. I would and I've done it. I guess you can say that inside I am actually a scared little girl under this calm, stable exterior that I'm infamous for. It may sound weak but haven't we learned in the many social science classes taken that sometimes avoidance is the best way to remain in a peaceful environment? Ignorance is bliss, some would say, and I agree 100% with that. In the famous words of Linkin Park, "Less I hear the less you'll say but you'll find that out anyway...Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge."

See, even Chester agrees with me. Less I hear the less you'll say. Think about it. If I keep on entertaining your thoughts on me, you would have more to say and that could ruin whatever we have between us. Sometimes I know that you're holding a grudge against me but since I believe that time heals everything, then I would rather let nature takes its own cause, so to speak, then interferes while you're 'hot'.

What I want to tell you is (imagine Dr. Renuka saying that...), sometimes I don't like knowing friends of mine or worse, family members of mine having their own means of telling the whole world what's going on. Because I'm afraid one day along the road I'll find something written on me that would totally caught me off-guard of what I thought the other person thinks of me. Sounds selfish, no? Because I do the same thing. I sometimes write on people when I find no other way to convey the message to them. And at times it worked: these people got what I'm trying to say and bridges were built after that between us. But for me to read what others
have to say about me...Dear God, let those who have their own website-slash-blog not be that close to me. Amin!



Anonymous said...

yg ni ade kaitan dgn i x?

ChEsZa said...

erk? how to know. who is this?