Friday, December 7, 2007


To those who know me know that I didn’t believe in love. I believeD that love is just something humans made up, like…mind. What exactly is the mind? Even if it exists, I don’t believe that love is a good enough reason to get in a relationship because I believe that love is just a feeling and feelings can fade, such as…anger. I always say that I believe in co-living, though. That’s IT. I’m a bit of a pessimist when it comes to matter of the heart. I’m always searching for answers and alhamdulillah I’ve found it :)

Last Thursday, my cousins were unabashedly going through my brother’s collection of books which even I never dare be near to. But thank God they did it as they found this book: TENTANG CINTA by Pahrol Mohd Juoi. This book is about teenage love, using terms that teenagers of this age can relate to but going back to basic, which is based on Islam. (I am not preaching here but I am simply sharing my thoughts so it’s all about me here alright. I have no other intention :) ) Now, my brother is my role model in love. I guess he has always been one to me. I’m always amazed how he can NOT be in a relationship. Now I know how; his love for God is much more amazing than towards any human being. And that’s my aim now.

Before I went to INTI, I had a heart-to-heart talk with Shila and told her that I don’t plan to get into any relationship in my foundation year. Plus, I’m sick of getting in and out of relationships and I used to wonder why that is. I also got my answer to that.

First of all, I learned that you have to love yourself, God, and only then can you genuinely love another human being. (I guess I haven’t gone too far off. You know that question of, “who’s your ideal partner?” Males’ usual answer: fair, nice body, saint in the kitchen, and whore in the bedroom. Females’ usual answer: tall, dark, handsome, and rich. But I’ve always stick to my answer which is I want someone who loves God more than life and – for similarities sake – loves music) Of course, you’ve heard of all these before. And yes, your ‘mind’ or akal says that you do love God but to what extent to you understand the meaning of it? I admit I used to not understand it much either, but now I do. Why do we have this ‘ideal’ idea? It is because it’s only normal or fitrah for human beings to want only the most beautiful and the best there is. And when you think of it…who or what is more perfect than the creator of perfection Himself? True? Therefore it is only logical for you to love God first and foremost.

Second of all, I learned exactly WHAT love is. All those times I thought I was ‘in love’ are not really love. That’s lust, infatuation. Real love is when your partner has the whole intention of taking you as his or her bride or groom. (Remember, this is what I believe in now, but I’m not against those who say they are in love. I’ll support you my friend *wink*) If a person really loves you then s/he should only think of you as his/her life partner. Think about it. If the thought of getting married is too scary or perhaps too soon for you, then the fact is, it IS too soon for you to BE in a relationship. Because if you love someone you want to hold on to that person forever and you can’t bear the thought of breaking up because you don’t want to hurt the person you ‘love’. It all makes sense. But of course, we can only plan, but the rest is in God’s hands whether things will work out or not. But the point is, REAL love must be parallel with the INTENTION or niat of getting married.

Plus, I also learned that love is a verb. If a person says s/he doesn’t have money, is stupid, but has all the love in the world for you, please, don’t believe him/her. If someone really loves you, that person would only want the best life for you and to have that, he or she needs a good job and in order to have THAT he or she needs to at least be hardworking in his or her studies. It’s simple, right?

There are actually lots more that I learned from the book but then I’m afraid I’ll get sued for copyright issues if I give more (read between the lines: I’m lazy :p) But some of it such as HOW to be in love, how to have CLASS while in love, about perigi cari timba, and also about the perfect partner.

As the book says, there’s no such thing as a perfect partner. If you are looking for perfect, you’ll get disappointed because where can a person go after being ‘perfect’. Instead, look for potential. Does he or she have the potential to be a good (not perfect) partner after marriage? Some may say that it’s hard to tell. Actually it is not. A good person is easy to detect by his actions. A diamond is wrapped beautifully than a rock found by road, no? And the thing that really caught me was when the book was talking about hanya jauhari mengenal manikam. Only a good person can tell another good person. So, the conclusion is, for me to find that almost-perfect partner, I need to be one myself. Don’t worry, I won’t be wearing a purdah anytime soon but I promise I’ll be as good a person possible. And no, I won’t do it just to find ‘that guy’ but to gain God’s love. Only then can I start appreciate another human’s love.

I admit that one of the reasons this topic has been playing in my mind because it seems that everyone around me is in a relationship. It is a bit stressing to be left out. But one of the most important things I got from this book that I’ll bring till the day I die is the Prophet PBUH once said, “Islam started as being different and will end being different too. Thus, blessed are those who are different, who uphold my Sunnah when others are ruining it.

So, now I am still on the lookout for the right man. And there’s only one way for me to find out if he’s right for me or not. It is in his willingness to see a future with me so that we can help each other nurture our love to God. If he can’t feel it, then maybe he is for someone else. One wo/man’s trash is another wo/man’s treasure, right? :)


p/s: I still miss my mummy and daddy and bro...

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