Saturday, December 15, 2007


Someone once told me that I am a good conversationalist.

Perf, I waved his statement then and there when he said it.

But then he pointed out to me one by one what he meant by it and I realized…yeah he is right. I mean, yes, people like to talk to me…for some reason. At first I thought I was doing it unconsciously but then a light bulb went on and I realized that, no, all my actions may be unconscious now but it’s not like it’s innate. Instead, my dad had actually taught me a long time ago on how to be a good conversationalist. First of all, my dad saw how much I love to talk. So he thought I was going to be a lawyer. But when I got older I told him of my dream to help others, psychologically (hence my decision to disregard medical as an option). Since then he had been coaching me on how to…converse.

The thing is, I guess I’m just an ungrateful b*tch.

Right now, I hate it. I mean, of course I love to listen to my peers’ problems and to help them. It gives me joy inside to help my friends out of trouble. But the thing is nobody seems to want to listen to MY problem. (And sometimes guys just don’t know how to appreciate…) I know, this sounds selfish and a bit over exaggerated. But the sad truth is…it is apparent. If I don’t tell people I’m in a mess, no one wants to ask. And usually when I start talking, it won’t take long before they would turn back to their problem. Me being me, I’d nod and smile and push my problems all the way aside. Want to guess now why I’m sometimes a mess?

Of course, there are people who honestly want to know how I’ve been doing. For example they are my babes from school and my girlfriends from INTI :) Still…sometimes I wish I don’t know how to listen so that people would instead just listen to me talk without me having to start with a “I have a problem,” first.

This may be a selfish entry, but once in a while, I’m sick of being selfless.


p/s: I guess that’s why I miss my mummy and daddy too so that I can talk to them… God, it's exactly one more month till their flight back :(


sofiya said...

hey syaza...

sorry if i've ever done anything that u mentioned in ur blog. i try to be observant but sometimes i do forget.

but one word of advice...

if ur sad, try not to hide it all the time. it's bad for you. ppl might think that you wont need any help because you have the strong image. but its okay to fall once in awhile. everyone has to...

and yeah, if u have problems, dont be reluctant to call me. i annoy you wit my rantings there4 id be more than happy to hear yours.


ChEsZa said...

oh pia, dun worry, there's a reason why i put "n guys sometimes dunno how to appreciate" or smtg like that :p u kno which 'guy' can make me this emo ;-) u'v been an amazing friend, trust me! i love hearing ur advices. n that's another good one. just the "ppl might think that you wont need any help because you have the strong image" part...somehow i hv a feeling i like that image. is it bad? huhuhu.

no worry aite *hugs!*


beb mentoot said...

you might like the IMAGE. but will u like the consequences that you have to face?